In The Know
by SilverWolf7
Summary: Fifth story in the Lucifer's Flock series! Lucifer tells Linda about Chloe knowing who and what he is during their next session, and ends up talking about something that has been really bothering him lately. His upcoming flying lessons.


Fifth story in the Lucifer's Flock series and, quite possibly, the only one-shot. Yes, this one is not chaptered. It's just a quick little therapy session before I get to the gossip and flying lessons.

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In The Know

Lucifer watched as Linda fidgeted in front of him on her seat, full of anticipatory restlessness. He had promised last time he was in here, that he would show her his wings again once they were fully feathered.

He had just told her that piece of good news and she was positively vibrating in her chair from it.

What is it with humans and his wings?

So, he carefully took off the layers he was wearing on the top half of his body, let his wings out and knew that she would likely not want to talk about anything else. But he had more news to give her, so she'd just have to hold off her...

"Doctor, can you please not grab hold so tight? Especially if it is in a place I can't reach on my own?"

She blinked up at him from where she was now kneeling in front of him, her hands buried in his underside lesser coverts. Linda, seeing how she mussed them up, ran her hand over them until they were all laying flat and in place again. It wasn't the best bit of grooming he'd ever had, and he was still slightly uncomfortable, but at least she tried.

"Sorry. I wasn't expecting them to be so...shiny. And gorgeous. Wow!"

His feathers fluffed up with pleasure at that, and naturally she noticed. She smiled. "Oh, don't say it..." he stated, but too late.

"Your wings give away your emotional state. I would like you to keep them out during sessions. And no, not only because they're pretty."

He moved his wings back down in their settled state and sighed. "Fine. Things will go a lot faster when I remember how to get the blasted things out without having to strip first. I've already gone through five different shirts."

Linda nodded at him, staring at his chest. "Yes, and it will be a lot less awkward. So! Session. Anything you'd like to discuss, or do you want to talk more about your wings."

He grinned. "Speaking of my wings and something else to discuss, the Detective now knows. I kind of had to tell her. She invaded my home during Netflix night. She saw me with my wings out. I think she was more pissed off with Ella and Dan knowing than me not showing her, though she was upset with that too. But she now knows about me being the devil, and about my wings and also about my flock."

Linda smiled widely at him. "It's about time she knew. You really were really slow on doing that. I've been trying to get you to tell her for months."

He rubbed his face. "Yes, I know, and now it's done. It...went okay. I think she was accepting of it, though a bit upset that she seemed to be overtaken in my affections by a bird. You might want to chat with the girls on your next ladies' night. You know, about how and when and why you all found out. It'll give you something to gossip about if nothing else happens. Just...nothing personal."

She rolled her eyes at him. "Lucifer, you know how much I care about patient confidentiality."

He nodded. He did know. Unfortunately, he was still a bit paranoid after Amenadiel shoved his way into Linda's life to spy on him.

"So, what was her reaction to seeing your wings?"

He grinned. "First she thought she was imagining things and hallucinated them or something like that. It wasn't until I took them out right in front of her that she believed they were real. And then she grabbed hold and refused to let go for quite a while. Ruffled my feathers rather badly. Ella fixed them up though, none were broken, thank dad for that."

"So she reacted well then. That's good."

He grinned widely at her. "Yes, it is. It's kind of relieving knowing that there's no one close to me that doesn't know now. I'm pretty sure Beatrice took me saying I was the Devil as plain fact the first time I met her. She's a spitfire that one."

Linda nodded. "Children are very accepting and can be quite literal in their thinking. She's old enough to not believe everything adults tell her though. So you may just want to check on that next time you see her."

He nodded. "Yes, I'll do that, though I don't see any problem happening there."

Linda smiled at him, but it wasn't her proud smile or her friend smile, it was all business. His wings came in closer to his back, knowing she was about to bring up something he probably didn't want to acknowledge. She had a habit of knowing when he was hiding things.

"Oh, that's interesting..." she said before shaking her head. "Alright, before we tackle the really big question of how you feel about gaining your wings back, let's settle on something more...immediate."

"I'm not afraid of flying! I'm not!"

She blinked at him and his wings began digging into his back as he realised that she probably wasn't going to go there with her question. "Okay...I never even remotely implied you were afraid of flying. Who said that to you?"

He shifted in his seat. "Dan mostly, but Ella is beginning to wonder if it's true or not."

Cocking her head to one side in her pose of confused curiosity, she frowned slightly before going on. "Why would they even think that?"

He shrugged, his feathers puffed out slightly, the edges becoming slightly sharper than normal feathers were in his agitation. He could hear fabric tearing and hopped off the couch before he did irreparable damage to it. He unfurled his wings and stretched them as far out as he could in the room and gave a short flap to try and dispel some nervous energy, before going to his normal pacing.

"Lucifer, I can't help if I don't know what the problem is."

"I need to do strengthening exercises for at least another week before they will be strong enough to hold my weight. They don't seem to understand that. And with Ella that's downright stupid. She knows birds. She knows wings. She knows they need to be strengthened before flight is achieved, yet she is bugging me constantly about it."

Linda nodded slowly. "Given the reaction you're having, I think there's a bit more to it than that. What you told me sounds mildly irritating, but not enough for full blown anxiety."

And he really hated how she knew him so well and could tell what his body language meant now that she's been seeing him for almost a year.

"I...I'm not afraid of flying. I want to fly. I was built for flight. It's just..."

"You can't be afraid of heights. You live in a penthouse apartment."

He shook his head. "It's not heights I am afraid of. In fact, the higher up I am the safer I feel. Which is why I feel so stupid to even..."

"Even what, Lucifer. Finish the sentence."

He sighed loudly, his wings settling down, he plopped himself back down on the couch. One of the tears was bigger than the others and foam was showing through. He'd have to buy Linda a new couch for her office...

"Lucifer, what is it you are afraid of."

He covered his head with both his hands and sighed loudly. "Falling, alright. I'm going to have to relearn how to fly all over again, and that includes quite a bit of crash landing before getting it right. I'm sorry it irritates me so much that my plummeting out of the sky for their amusement doesn't fill me with joy."

He looked back up at her, just in time to see her close her eyes and sigh. "Lucifer, considering your past, having a fear of falling is pretty much a given. But there's a difference between this and _the_ Fall. For one, you will have complete control of your wings. On another, there's going to be an area you can go for soft landing for you to relearn how to get up in the air and stay there, and practice landing too."

He swallowed and nodded. "I know that. It doesn't stop me from feeling this stupid fear though. But Ella and Dan have been bugging me to get me in the air faster and... I don't think I'm quite ready for that. I don't know if I will be ready when the wings are strong enough. I don't know if I'll ever be ready. I'm afraid I will lock up in the air and just..."

"Plummet?" she asked, quietly.

He nodded. "Yeah. And that they'll laugh at me for it. I don't think I'd be able to even try again then."

"You could always tell them you want to practice your flying away from them. Or just tell them what you just told me. I'm sure they'll understand."

"I don't want them to see me as weak..."

"They don't see you as weak. This isn't a weakness. It's a phobia you got from a traumatic experience in your life. They will understand."

He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. Okay, so maybe he needed to talk to his flock about why he's so snappy when it comes to him flying around them. Maybe Linda was right and it would help him feel better. Or maybe it would end in heartbreak. She was right about the Detective finding out and accepting him, even if she does need time off to absorb it all. That was at least normal.

He just hated showing off his weaknesses to his flock, because he was supposed to lead them. How can he do that if he was afraid of getting in the air with his wings in case he falls back to the ground?

Stupid fear. Phobias were the worst.

"Is there any way to stop a phobia?"

"You can desensitise yourself by doing what it is you're afraid of and facing it. Learn to fly. Get back in the air. Your fear will probably still be there, but not as deep. It will get easier the more you try, and if you are supported by your flock, it will go a lot more smoothly."

He nodded. "Okay. I think I will tell them then, but only when the wings are strong enough for flight. Before is too soon for me..."

Linda sighed but nodded. "It's your choice."

He nodded. Yes, it was. He'd wait until he was ready to fly again in a week, maybe two.

"Will you be there?"

She blinked at him. "To see you fly? Yes. I can also be moral support if you need it and promise not t laugh at you when you stumble."

His wings loosened their grip on his back slightly at that. He'd feel a lot safer if Linda was there when he relearned to fly. He nodded again. "I'd like that. I could use the support."

"Then after your next week's appointment should be a good time to start. I'll try teaching you some calming techniques before you begin trying then, and you'll have a definite start date to tell the others."

He gulped but nodded. "My wings should be strong enough to hold me by then..."

She smiled at him, and this was her proud smile. "Good. I'll see you next week then."

He got up, hid his wings, got dressed again and went for the door. "Next week then, doctor."

He left with a growing pit of anxiety wriggling around in his insides.

He had set a date for his first night of relearning to fly.

Why did that have to terrify him so much?


End file.
